Friday, February 26, 2010

True Life: I'm a closet-competitive-eater

I think I just found my calling: competitive eating. You see the July 4th Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest in New York, NY where Kobayashi's reign is no more thanks to American Joey Chestnut. You see Tim 'Eater X' Janus wearing painted masks on ESPN, tearing up any and every competitive eating contest across the nation (this guy will literally any anything). There's even a lady in the mix who makes closet-competitive-eaters want to register for an event just to meet her.  

With the number of calories I burn every day working out and running (500-1500 calories per run, depending on distance) I tend to eat a lot. Like all day. I used to pace myself with 3 meals and about 3 snacks a day. But this no longer works! Now after breakfast an hour later I'm hungry...if I eat when I get hungry, that increases my number of snacks a day...which costs money I don't necessarily have! My new eating plan is a protein shake at 7:00a, breakfast 8:00a, snack 9:30a, lunch 11:30a, snack 1:30p, snack 3:30p, protein shake 5:00p, dinner 8:00p, and then snack, snack, snack... This collision with food is quickly increasing my grocery shopping budget, but oh well. I'll have to make sacrifices somewhere else. Like taxes. Yeah, I'll just stop paying taxes!

I know what you're thinking. Way too much eating...why is he not fat? Well, I'm partly blessed with a decently high metabolism. But as I get older I see the pounds don't shed away as easy as they used to so I have to work out more intensely and with increased frequency. If I don't eat much throughout the day, I feel like I can't do anything--like a car without gasoline. After reading The Abs Diet (a must-read. Ladies--don't let the writer's position as Men's Health editor-in-chief scare you away--the book's info is not gender-specific. But if you are scared, this one seems to be geared more towards you.) I realized it's okay to eat a lot throughout the whole day, as long as you're portioning correctly and fueling the fire. If you keep it stoked, you're constantly burning calories and DON'T gain weight. Finding that appropriate balance of calories is a tricky task in the first few weeks, but eventually you start to see what works and what doesn't...and as a result, you'll love the way you look and feel. Your clothes look better on you and you walk taller. Plus you're making an investment in your future--your health in 20, 30, 40, 50 years--now. Yes, this is a non-monetary investment that will pay non-monetary-yielding dividends. Actually scratch that, this will save you money in the future (by reducing the number of health-related visits to the doctor) which is just like making money! 

What these successful IFOCE guys do is workout, with the exception of Joey Chestnut. I don't mean they go do 30 minutes on the elliptical...I mean these guys WORK OUT. I saw a documentary on MTV years ago about Tim Janus and Kobayashi's lives. They know that having a healthy, lean, muscle-toned body only aides them in their eating conquests. So you could say, I'm preparing myself for my future in competitive eating! I've got the work-out regime down...I already eat like food is quickly becoming scarce...let's put it together and see what happens! My friends have always been amazed at how I finish my lunch/dinner before they're even half way into their meal. It's never been a trait I liked, but I think I see can see how to use this to my advantage and be proud of it...finally!

First up, the Passaic County Fair in July...just ~20 miles down the road from New York City! They've got a few different non-IFOCE events so it'll be a great way to step into the game. The biggest draw? Jello pudding eating contest! If you know me, I mean really know me (because I don't divulge this to just anyone), then you know I have an addicition to dark chocolate jello pudding

I could make an entire day's calorie count eating nothing but this wonderfully tasty treat and be just fine. More than just fine, I'd be in heaven. They also have a watermelon (which I love) contest that looks like it's mostly made up of kid competitors! I can totally beat a kid win over a kid in an eating contest...

In other news, I was ecstatic last night checking my old email address when I found this:

Then the next day they sent a follow up email that corrected it:

How do you tease a tech-geek like that Best Buy? How?! I was on the verge of running to my nearest store and buying something stupid with my $530 in reward certificates :/

1 comment:

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